Home Sweet Home

A collection of gems garnered from living at home:

Mom, coming into my room -- I already know what to expect because earlier Iz mentioned to me that our mom was asking why I was acting "funny" recently-- I'm not: Hi.
Me, sitting on my bed trying to hide my blog homepage so my mom doesn't get curious and, god forbid, READ IT: Oh, hello there.
Mom, flopping onto my bed in a strangely conspiratorial manner: So, what's up?
Me, warily: Nothing. We just went to yoga and had dinner together. What's up with you?
Mom: Oh, nothing... your memory foam mattress is nice, isn't it?
Me, genuinely enthused: Oh my god I love it.
Mom: Yeah, why do they call it memory foam? I slept in your room a couple of times and I was trying to sleep lightly so I wouldn't make an imprint in my shape.
Me, amused and touched, but also worried that she thought I would be spending a significant amount of time sleeping in this bedroom: It's okay, mom, you definitely spend more time here than I do.
Mom, shaking her head rigorously: No, no, no, it's your bed.
Me, figuring this is a conversation that can be saved for a later time, when my memory foam is out of the range of fire: Okay. Sure. What's up?
Mom, looking down: Nothing.. just feel like you've been distant lately.
Me: Really? I'm living here. I'm here every night. We just went to yoga together.


Mom, glaring at my open drawers: WHY ARE YOUR DRAWERS OPEN? Why do you have this habit? Do you want it to look like robbers have been through your room??
Me: Mom, calm down. I was looking for --
Mom: NO MORE OF THIS. From now on every time you leave a drawer open I will fine you ONE DOLLAR.
Me, bursting into laughter: Okay, mom.
Mom, laughing as she leaves the room: I'm serious.
Isabel, wandering in: It's okay, mom had the exact same talk with me. My room got robbed too.

Dad, in the car: Wow, time passes so fast.
Me: Yup.
Dad: Imagine, this time next year, you'll have graduated and be back living at home.
Me, in my head: WTF
Me, out loud: Mm...
Dad: Unless, of course, you get a job in LA.. I mean, it could happen.
Me, immensely relieved: Yeah, you know, if I could get a job anywhere I should probably take it.
Dad: Yeah, hopefully you'll get a job here though.
Me: Uh huh. Or L.A. Probably L.A. That's where I go to school, so it'll probably be easier. For me. To find a job. In L.A.
Dad: Maybe..
Me: Yeah. L.A.

Me: I'm going on a diet.
Dad: You don't need a diet.
Me: I do, it's diet time.
Mom, clapping: Yay! Now you'll be the best! And pretty.
Me: Well, I'm done with dinner.