Question of the Day

If anyone ever comes up to me and says, "Carolyn, why are you so fat and poor?" I am ready with the answer.

"Well, rude stranger," I would reply. "This is because I spend all my money on unnecessary culinary outings. Also I am addicted to internet shopping."

"Can you give me an example?" they might ask.

"Why, certainly." I would oblige. "Take yesterday for example. I had the brilliant idea of going out to dinner with my roommates, even though we had recently all gone grocery shopping together. I did this because I don't like slaving over a hot stove after a full day of work at the office."

"But," the stranger might interrupt. "you hardly ever do that. Doesn't Mango cook all the meals?"

"You have a strange and complete knowledge of my life, stranger." I would say. "But you are not wrong. Mango does do the cooking almost everyday. But I feel bad that he has to, so I sometimes stand in the kitchen offering emotional support. It is hot and tiring work."

"I'm sorry," the stranger would apologize. "Please go on."

"Well," I would continue. "I might have a weakness for throwing money away on restaurants, but I am fully aware of this problem. Which is why yesterday at work, between answering phone calls from irate or confused residents and/or their parents, I googled coupons for the place we were planning to have dinner. Except that while I was doing that, I also saw some coupons for free shipping at different clothing websites. This reminded me of the time two summers ago when I ordered clothes from urbanoutfitters.com and how excited I was to receive the package. This led to an urge within me to recreate those happy days. That is how I ended up five hours later, with a coupon that took $1 off my dinner and a $178 charge on my credit card. Does this clear things up for you?"

"Oh does it," the stranger would say, smug in the knowledge that he or she is much more in control of his or her finances than I am of mine. "And don't forget to talk about the $60 you're expecting to drop tonight."

"Shut up, stranger," I would say. "No one needs to know about the painful and expensive Brazilian wax followed by the delicious and expensive Korean barbeque buffet followed by the entertaining and expensive two hours at a karaoke bar."

Then I would frown at him/her for all his/her personal questions and go get more money from the ATM.