Ross is a Legal Religion, Right?

So last Saturday Mango and I went to the mall because we are poor and occasionally like to be in air-conditioned places where everything is clean and no bugs fly though open windows to buzz around your head for hours on end while you watch your third consecutive episode of "Suite Life on Deck."

On our way back from the mall we decided to walk because we didn't have enough change for the bus (you see now that I am not joking when I say we are poor) and we just happened to pass by a Ross. Completely unplanned. Wink wink.

Let me explain that I love Ross. I know a lot of people don't share my passion for bargain hunting, and I'll admit that the messy aisles can be disheartening. Not to mention that weird smell on your fingers after you've touched the clothing. Wait, let me start over.

I love Ross because they sell brand name things for way below what it would cost at some cooler store at the mall. Case in point:

Mango's Adidas cleats.

Well, they're not really his, in that he didn't purchase them. But if possession could be won by a person longingly lingering in an aisle for the better part of an hour, turning the shoes over in his hands and coming up with increasingly far-fetched reasons why he would need cleats, then they are definitely his.

After efficiently speed-browsing through the "juniors" aisle (and trying to suppress the realization that I am way too old to be wearing this stuff -- no way am I ready for Women's World) and coming up with nothing, I realized that I had lost Mango. I backtracked to find him standing in front of the same pair of black Adidas cleats he had been staring at for a while now.

"Look," he finally said reverently. "Adidas cleats."
"Yeah?" They didn't look special to me. "So?"
"They're only $16."
"Told you Ross was cheap." I felt proud. I had converted another.
"$16 for Adidas cleats!" Mango said fervently. "Do you know how much this regularly costs?"
"So what?" I said. "You don't need cleats. What would you use them for?"
"Like.. running," he replied finally. "on grass."
"When do you ever run on grass?"
"I could," he said defensively.

This went on for some time before I was able to gently extract him from the allure that is Ross: Dress for Less.

I thought it was over. Then on Wednesday, while driving to dinner with our friend RoRo, we passed by a GIANT ROSS. It was like the mother of all Rosses. It was the size of a Walmart. This prompted Mango to tell RoRo the story of his cleats.

"Isn't it cheap??" Mango concluded.
"Yeah.." RoRo said dubiously. "I guess so. I mean I don't really know the market value of cleats."
"It's CHEAP." Mango insistented.
"Okay," RoRo said, slightly annoyed. "why didn't you buy it then?"
"Apparently I don't need it." Mango replied sulkily.

I don't know why they say girls are crazy shoppers. I have never had the urge to buy cleats. So in conclusion: Ross rocks.