I Now Offer Services as a Personal Shopper

So I've gone shopping with my friend Marc Aaron a couple of times over the last month or so, because he recently got a full time job and very wisely decided that the best way to expend all that disposable income was on men's fashion.

The only problem is that prior to this his sense of style ran mostly toward oversized t-shirts and basketball shorts, and my area of expertise is in short skirts and see-through shirts. A compromise would have to be made.

Things That Were Said On Our Journey to Develop a New Style That Did Not Involve Oversized T-Shirts, Basketball Shorts, Short Skirts or See-Through Shirts

By Marc Aaron:

"I would never wear that. Come on."

"Elbow patches. I want something with elbow patches."

"I am not buying that leather jacket. I don't want to look like someone from the Fast and the Furious."

"I should be a model because if I were a model all the guys would come into the store and say, 'hey he looks like a regular guy, we should buy those clothes he's wearing.' With the real models they just say, 'what a douchebag, I would never dress like him.'"

"That vest has too many buttons."

"I should be the head of all men's fashion. I would be so good at it. People would bring me stuff and I would say 'no that's ugly we're not selling that' or 'that's pretty good, let's sell it' and I would make millions."

"This is not the men's section. What are we doing here?"

"That vest has too many pockets."

By me

"You should get some skinny jeans. I should get some skinny jeans. I want a pair in yellow."

"I need to buy a luggage and also a teapot."

"This is pretty cool. It's like playing dress up with a human-sized Ken doll. Except you're not blond and you don't take any of my suggestions."

"Oh my god it's a puppy store. Let's go look at puppies."

"What is that smell?"

"Puppies look a lot cuter than they smell."

"You should get that leather jacket, you'll look like one of the guys in the Fast and the Furious."

"I don't think this place has teapots."

A sign of my success: I helped him pick out a pair of mustard yellow pants. The next time I saw him I asked if he wore them yet.

Him: "Yes I did."

Me: "What did you pair it with?"

Him: "A dark blue polo."

Me: "Did anyone make a comment?"

Him: "Yes, my friend said I looked like a '70s astronaut."

Me: "Is that...good?"

Him: "Yes, I looked exactly like a '70s astronaut."